Kicking Cancer’s A*S ~ 3 Weeks Down… K - Victoria Campbell Photography Blog

…wow…I have been called out! I was asked where my updated blog post on Greg was by 3 people! I am glad people are reading my blog…it helps keep my mind on track of things and sort my emotions out. This week I have been in major catch up mode and it is actually so nice that the week had very little uproar ~ PHEW! Sad to say it has become routine in the house…and at the Clinic. I have been thinking about the last few weeks and how scared it all becomes. Stressful and difficult things such as cancer are hard, and while they can someday teach you a lesson {I’d really love to know what that lesson would be} or make you a stronger person, they are entirely capable of just beating the ever-loving shit out of you and leaving you physically exhausted and emotionally dead. Before treatment started reality is thrown in your face multiple times but never so much as when Greg was asked about a living will. The more I thought about it ~ the more it bothered me {and scared me}…isn’t this a curable cancer? But then the heart-attack happened and boom…there it was…how easily I have taken “life” for granted…I see things so differently now and I’m sure the hubs does to. Those pesky little things I used to worry about seem so small.

Our new routine is trying to keep a routine…times to gargle with meds…time to take the meds…time for physical therapy exercises…time to rest…time for follow up visits…time for blood work…and getting up early {this is HUGE for me…I work from home and can go to my desk in my PJ’s} getting downtown and hitting rush hour traffic or not! Valeting the car is the best thing…they know us now…they take the car, park it close, the hubs gets his radiation done and boom…time to leave…2 1/2 hours we are done…head home for some more routine. Yet I emotionally am not relaxed with this new routine. Other responsibilities are there on top of this emotional roller-coaster. The world will go on, despite your despair. And you know what that is? LIFE. It doesn’t stop for you…work is still here…bills are still here…taking care of the kids…cleaning the house…combining these two routines is what this week has been about. I was able to get out for a bit this week and it about killed me. Why do I feel so guilty leaving Greg alone. Family came over to keep him company while I was out and it helped…I had fun…but with the way this whole thing started I just couldn’t totally relax. Maybe its because I try to get inside his head…I wonder so much what he is thinking. He doesn’t smile so much anymore unless he sees a new face visiting because he is usually in pain, but will put on a different face for them {which I totally understand but miss seeing that face on a day to day basis} Its like he left and went somewhere…conversations are difficult because it hurts to talk… he has good days and he has bad days…and it’s the good days I can join him in the good…the other days he rests more than usual and I can get some work done. I’m counting down for this new “normal” to go back to our “old” normal…but I wonder if I would want our old normal back…this “life” for granted thing makes me think it won’t.

I said I wanted this week not to be eventful and I can honestly say it was! The hubs ended up with an infection in the injection site for the angioplasty but nothing a little antibiotic can’t cure! His kidney levels are good…no longer below the normal mark and his white cells are right where they expected them to be and if they do not change the doc says he will continue with chemo on Monday. Of course Greg is not happy he will be hospitalized for the treatment and expected to stay for about 4 days, but I am thrilled he is…sure I had to make arrangements with Frankie and the dogs…but that is so much easier than rushing him to an ER like the last time and scrambling last minute and the stress of worry. What I was shocked to see was the hub’s hair falling out. We were told his chemo meds would not cause hair loss. Finding out he will experience some thinning of the hair with chemo and radiation. I guess its time for a nice clipped cut! The hubs can no longer taste foods….his saliva glands are drying up…dry dry mouth and throat…and is sticking with a liquid diet for the remainder of his treatment. As long as he can drink 4 high calorie Boosts in one day he is feeding his body exactly what it needs to avoid a feeding tube! He is down 27 lbs. to date. So much to consume for a mere 3 weeks and we are just getting halfway through…so this somewhat uneventful week was a welcoming change.

We are so blessed with the meals being brought over…the adorable gifts and cards…it honestly keeps him going!

His new breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack…poor man!